How to attact men like ants to sugar

In my single days I have come across a number of ladies and have noticed certain peculiarities and commonalities amongst women. Some of these women are highly attractive to men while some others are not so attractive. Some of these women have men begging them to be their wives while others are begging men to marry them.

Observing these women from afar and closely I came to notice certain personality traits amongst the women that men pursued as opposed to those that pursued men. It was clear to me, I could see it. I could see what it was that the women who were attracting lots of men were doing right and what the other category of women were doing wrong.

I have often asked myself, “what could be wrong with these other group of less attractive women?”. Why where they shooting themselves in the foot by their insistence in following through with their set of wacky unattractive behavioral patterns?

Finally I decided to organize my observations and put them in a book. It is titled, “21 qualities of highly attractive women” and is written by my humble self, Taire Stephen.

If you want to get the full low down on this little but inspiring book I suggest you get a copy at the nearest bookshop.

If you don’t find it there then ask them to order from me and I will be glad to oblige.

So what is the one single most powerful personality trait a woman can exhibit to get men chasing after her like ants after sugar? It is happiness; Yes happiness.

Men find happy women extremely powerful. Like one man said, “there’s nothing more attractive than a happy woman”.  Too many women go about with a frown on their face like they were at war with the whole world.  We know that times are hard but it won’t do you any good to wear your struggles on your face.

Simply put, women who are happy exude lots of positive energy, are friendlier, make better colleagues at work, mothers and partners at home. Don’t take this advice likely, it can change your whole life for the better and open doors for you. Learn to be happy. A happy personality, a pleasant smile can do wonders for your life.

You can visit my website at http://tairestephen.com to see samples of my other books

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Why Men Cheat

Ok so I’m now going to attempt to answer the controversial question, “why do men cheat?”.  Maybe it’s not a such a controversial question but it is a question and I’m going to do my best to try to answer it.

To start with cheating is something that kind of comes naturally to most people and that includes both men and women. However cheating for a man has something of his ego involved in it. Many men who cheat believe that it’s their right to cheat as men. Most men believe that it’s less acceptable for a woman to cheat than it is for a man to and this is particularly true in Africa.

In African societies where men are still seen as being the head of the home regardless of whether or not he is the major or sole provider for the family, cheating by a woman is seen as something of an abomination. I am not familiar with Middle Eastern cultures but I would guess that a similar view is held by Middle Eastern men but then again I might be wrong.

African men believe that women are under their care so are expected to be faithful to their men. The fact that they provide for their women makes it ok for them to see and sleep with other women because they are the ones who are the care givers - economically speaking that is.

Now enough of the small talk and back to our subject at hand, why do men cheat? I will outline some of the reasons why men tend to cheat on their women.

1.       Men cheat because they are men and they want to cheat

Indeed men do cheat because they are men but that doesn’t mean it is right or that every single man on the planet cheats on their partner.  Some men insist on staying faithful to their partner regardless of what the situation on ground might be while others don’t even need a reason to cheat but just do.

The idea of conquest has always been an exciting and attractive one to most men. Lots of men just want to conquer new women and bed them. They want to taste new waters, conquer new territories, and pluck fresh new cherries from their tree of sexual conquests. Like I said, this doesn’t make it right but some men just don’t seem to have a place for self control when it comes to women and sex. Such men will chase after anything in skirts that catches their fancy provided she meets his criteria. For some men the criterion is big boobs, for others it’s a big behind. Yet for some others, there are no criteria and anything goes.

If you’re a woman and you find yourself involved with one of such men then don’t waste your time trying to fix him just run; except of course if you don’t mind sharing your man with several women.

2.       Men cheat because their wives that don’t care

Sadly some men marry the wrong woman and they end up cheating because of that. Some men marry women who don’t love them because these women are beautiful or physically engaging.  These women on their own part agree to marry these men even though they are not in love with these men. At the end of the day they are not capable of giving the men the affection and attention they desire. In the long run such men end up looking outside the home for the affection they need.

Some women are all about material things and may have felt they cared about a man when they first met him but as soon as their man meets with some hard times and becomes financially challenged they fall out of love with him and stop caring about him or showing him any affection.

3.       Women make men cheat

In reality there will always be women who want to get the other woman’s man. So it really depends on a man to make up his mind not to fall for other women once he has a steady woman in his life. Some women go out of their way to seduce men into having affairs with them. Often these men are men of means of influence and they promise a life of luxury and opulence. Some men start out with no desire to cheat on their partners but are pressured into cheating by certain seductive women who are determined to have them.

I have heard stories of women who go to church services with the sole purpose of seducing the pastor in charge. They wear skimpy clothes and sit at strategeous advantageous positions in the congregation and do their best to distract the pastor.

In other instances they set out to align themselves with successful business men or famous figures in society. Such women do not stop until they are forced to stop or until they find some other man of greater interest to prey on.

There are lots of reasons why men cheat but regardless of why men cheat we all know that no one likes being cheated on so please don’t cheat on your partner.

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5 Ways to make Him Love you more

Most of us want more of the good things of life and the love of the one we cherish isn’t any less important. So, how do you as a lady get your partner to love you more? In this article I am assuming that your love interest already has some romantic feelings for you and you would like to nudge their feelings a notch higher. If that’s the case then read on.

1.       Don’t change who you are

Most men marry the women they do because they like what they see in her. That doesn’t mean that they might not appreciate her improving on some rough spots in her personality or approach to life but generally speaking, if he popped the question then he must have bought into your person.

Unfortunately most women change after marriage and yet they wonder why their man stops treating them the way he used to. In my part of the world where I come from men are not supposed to complain about anything or to express themselves even if they feel slighted. A man expressing himself is seen as a sign of weakness so most men just keep mute and act like all is well even when it’s not.

Sadly that doesn’t change the fact that he’s not happy with some changes you’ve made in yourself since you got married but since he feels that it’s unmanly to speak up, he keeps quite about them. If the change you made in yourself keeps him from having some of his needs met he may look outside his relationship or marriage to have these needs met.

Why am I talking about my culturally peculiarity with regard to an expressive man being seen as being too feminine? It’s because this mindset stops some men from speaking up and giving their women the chance to correct any of the unwholesome new personality traits they might pick up after marriage.

As an example of how this “don’t speak your mind” mindset can wreck havoc in a marriage, take the following illustration as a case study.

 Let’s assume a man and woman meet each other at a seminar or someplace else. With time they really get into each other. Woman loves her new man and man loves his woman and they are crazy over each other while dating or in courtship. After marriage woman changes but man can’t complain cause he’s a man and isn’t supposed to complain. Yet man is deeply disturbed because these changes deprive him of a lot of the benefits he was accustomed to getting from his partner while they were dating.

Woman is unaware that her new habits or the abandonment of some of her old desirable habits has led to her man feeling insecure and unappreciated. Man feels trapped and frustrated but doesn’t want to seem or appear a nagging male or a sissy so he decides to solve his problems without discussing them with his spouse. Man goes on to start to seek other female company as a means to getting the validating he seeks and meeting the needs he wants met which his wife or partner isn’t meeting.

The bottom line is, if you don’t want your partner to change, point number one is don’t change who you are before you got married except you are making changes to become a better person. Never make changes to become less desirable only to become more. Also make sure your man is free to speak up when he’s not ok with anything so you can work things out so they don’t fester and become bigger problems in the future.

Still on the subject of change, only try to change if it’s with regard to something he has complained about or wants changed. If he hasn’t complained about it or you know he likes it the way it is then it’s generally a good idea not to change it.

As a side note, this article does not mean to suggest that only women change after marriage and that men don’t change too. In reality some men are the ones who change after marriage so in all fairness a man’s change in attitude after marriage independent of his wife’s treatment of him is very possible and real.

Yet I read a piece somewhere and it read, “Women marry a man hoping he will change while men marry a woman hoping she won’t change”, so it would appear that women are the ones who are more prone to changing in relationships; from my personal experience in relationships I can say that this does tend to be true.

 I am not stating this as a fact just an opinion. That’s said, this article is focused on how a woman can avoid shooting her relationship or marriage in the foot. Some other time we’ll talk about the men.

2.       Respect him

As someone once said, without love it is impossible for a man to love a woman. Sadly these days most women feel that the capacity of their man to still love them while they intentionally disrespect him is a sign of his love for them. As such, they actually go out of their way to disrespect and emasculate their man as a test of his love; what a pity.

For those women who feel that disrespecting their man is cool because it helps her test his love for you, how would you feel if your husband or partner also started to test your love for him by sleeping with your best friend or stopped providing financial support to see if you would still love him?

I’m sure you wouldn’t buy into that so my point is there are normal and acceptable rules of interaction and cohabitation in intimate relationships and marriage and one of those rules is respect. If you want to keep him loving you, pleaseeeeee RESPECT HIM.

3.       Look good

Yes all or at least most women know this but the question is how many of them still take time to look good especially after the kids start coming? Given that there are some women who wouldn’t be caught dead not looking their best yet the truth still is that some others stop taking care of themselves after they get married.

Agreed that the responsibilities of being married can eat away at some of the time you used to have at your disposal to do your make up in your single days but you still can make an attempt to at least put forward your “I’m still a woman ” face most of the time. Don’t stop looking good because you’re married; keep doing your best to look your best.

4.       Love sex with him

Stop being a prude with the man you married, love him; love his body, love sex with him and show him you do. Believe it or not, a man knows when you enjoyed being with him. It’s not just about the fake orgasms; it’s about a deeper connection that communicates satisfaction or dissatisfaction at the end of the day.

Learn to respond to and appreciate your man’s thrusts and touch. As you become one with him sexually he will see you more as his soul mate and less as his flat mate.

5.       Be happy

One of the best things you can do for yourself and for your relationship with your man is to be happy. When a man loves a woman, all he wants is to make her happy. Unfortunately, the reality is that no one can make anyone happy; you just have to decide to be happy yourself.

Here’s the catch, when a man can’t make the woman he loves and wants to be with happy, he feels like a failure. If he keeps trying and can’t succeed, he gives up on trying and starts to see himself as unworthy of the woman he loves. He may start to feel insecure or decide to break up the relationship because he can’t make her happy and so believes he is not worthy of her.

If you really want to help your man in becoming a better man and in loving you more then put his mind at ease by making up your mind to be happy. When he sees you happy he will be at peace with himself and will then be able to focus on things that matter most for the success of your relationship. He will also now be encouraged to do his best to make sure nothing takes away your happiness.

Now you might say, “I’m already a happy person”. The question is, does he know it? Do you show your happiness and share it with him? How do you share your happiness? The simplest way to share your happiness is through a pleasing attitude and a smile.  Happy people smile a lot and have a positive vibrant disposition about them. They are at peace with themselves and they love themselves. Does this describe your?

 Learn to be happy and watch your man appreciate you more. (Except from my books "21 qualities of highly attractive women) you click here http://debonairbookstore.com/bookpage.php?isbn=9789784841856 to get the complete book 

Taire Stephen is the author of over 18 mini books on relationships and motivation. They include: Understanding Men, Understanding Women, 21 qualities of highly attractive women, Nice girls don't get Mr. Right smart girls do, Dating Rules, Understanding Women, Bridges, 21 laws of intimacy etc.

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Is He In Love With You?

Another question lots of women ask me is how to tell if a man loves them. A tough one I must say. Yet there are certain tell tale signs that could point to the fact that a man truly and genuinely cares about you. Below are some of the considerations you should hold close to heart.

1.      Does he act his talk

When a man says he loves you he’s also got to show that he loves you. There are of course many ways by which he could do this and these include, calling you often, sending you gifts, visiting and taking you out etc.
The actions of a man who claims to love you should clearly tally with his words. A man who beats up his wife or girlfriend or who abuses her physically does not love her and will soon kill her. That might seem like an obvious enough fact but I have indeed heard stories of women who kept living with a man who was physically abusive to them because he said he loved them and blamed their abusive behavior on some diabolical outside force or on the devil. Such women go on to believe such nonsense and somehow hold on to the illusion that a man who physically abuses her can indeed still love her.
A man in love does not delight in inflicting pain on his woman; on the contrary he wants to bring her pleasure. If you’re seeing a man and all he does is want to beat you up at the slightest provocation then honey that sure isn’t love.
Of course there are also other forms of abuse like the mental sort. Does he talk you down all the time or at least most of the time? Does he delight in embarrassing you before his friends or your friends? Does he make you feel like you have nothing of value to say and in other words gives you the impression that you’re a nit wit?  If he does, then be careful because such are not the ways of love.
Love elevates and does not deflate the one that’s loved.

2.      Does he spend quality time with you?

When a man is in love with you he wants to be with you always. Given that that might be a little much as a result of the hectic schedule lots of people run these days to make ends meet, yet my point is that he will want to be with you as much as possible.
When a man is in love with a woman he simply adores her and delights in being in her presence. Being away from her is like a form of torture to him and he can’t wait to be by her side as soon as he can. Yes I know that there are times and even circumstances that might make this a bit difficult (like your partner living in another state or another country) but even then you will hear the yearning in his voice and they will find a way to reach out to you via phone calls, emails, chat, blackberry etc on a regular basis.

3.      Is he kind to you?

Yes love makes us treat our partner or significant other with kindness. It makes us thoughtful and considerate of our partners needs. If a man claims to love you but he isn’t being kind to you then he can’t be telling the truth.
Now don’t get me wrong ladies. A man emptying his bank account for you to buy the latest Gucci leather handbag isn’t an act of kindness rather it’s an act of dumbness so don’t ask him to do that. A man doesn’t have to give you everything you ask for to prove he’s kind. He does however have to put you first when it comes to those crucial matters of life and when it comes to doing those little things that just show that you’re special to him.

4.      Can you see it in his eyes

Yes the eyes do reveal secrets and you can see it in a man’s eyes if he’s really head over heels in love with you or if he’s just hanging in there. When a man is in love with a woman, his eyes brighten and a certain glow comes to his face when he is with her. I think that it’s the same thing with a woman too when she is with a man she loves. The difference being that women being generally more secretive than men might not reflect that glow as much as a man would in her bid to seem uninterested or more lady like.
However with a man, being the hunter, he is very likely to show his delight at being in the presence of the object of his deepest affections. Take a good look at his eyes when he is with you, if its love, you will see it in the glow in his eyes and in the brightness of his face.

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He married a witch

Mr Obikey married a witch; at least that’s what he told me. He told me the reason he had been out of work for the past fifteen years was because his wife had bewitched him. He also told me she was the reason he had lost his job.
Mr. Obikey's wife, Mary was a lecturer at the university and was a quiet straight forward pious Christian woman who wanted nothing more than to raise her kids as well as she could, read her bible and attend mid week service in Church.
To me she seemed like a peaceful woman who just wanted to live her life and serve her God. To Mr Obikey, she was a witch and the source of all his misfortune. 
Mary had remained married to her husband Ramus (Mr. Obikey) even though he had been out of work for over twelve years. She had stayed faithful to him despite the fact that he had failed to support her and the kids as a father and husband should.
All the time Mr. Obikey had been without work his wife Mrs. Obikey had dutifully paid the school fees or their five kids and had also paid the house rent when it was due; responsibilities that Mr. Obikey had shameful neglected to take up himself neither did he show gratitude to his wife over the years as she stood in for him.
At first I wasn’t sure what to think but then as more and more information became available to me I started to see a clearer picture. I found out that Mr. Obikey had always been bad with money and that he had often liquidated all the business he had started, either on his own or in partnership with his wife.
I heard stories of how Mr. obikey would take 50,000 in cash to the bank from sales but would only be able to remit 35,000 of the money when it was time to restock a particular business he started with his wife. When his wife Mary asked him why the cash in hand was now 35,000 rather than 50,000 he would tell his wife that it was as a result of bank charges.
Mr. Obikey has been quoted as saying that he preferred to use his last 1000 naira to buy fried chicken for a single meal rather than share it and spread it well over three meals. He preferred this because he was of the opinion that today was all that mattered. As such he saw no sense in planning for tomorrow; as far as he was concerned, tomorrow would take care of itself.
Clearly Mr. Obikey was bad with money and had not learnt the importance of saving, budgeting,  planning and money management. He did not feel that his financial problems were somehow tied to his inability to control spending and to manage money effectively.
As far as he was concerned, all his money and life woes were as a result of his witch of a wife. He even said that she had succeeded in stealing six of his seven spiritual stars of glory and fortune leaving him with only one star of good fortune or good luck.
I am sure that as decent and well behaved as Mrs. Obikey is, she isn’t perfect. That would imply that she has her short comings and surely her faults too.  However, from all the information I gathered from Mr. Obikey about the situation on ground, the reason why he has no money is not because his wife is a witch but because he is a thrifty spender and has refused to take responsibility for his actions and his future. Of course Mr. Obikey doesn’t see it that way.
Today Mr. and Mrs. Obikey are still married but they are not happily so. They live like strangers in the same house regretting their marriage and wishing they were with some other person.
Are you in a relationship with a man who refuses to take responsibility for his actions? Do you feel like it’s a little thing that doesn’t matter and will go away with time? If you are a lady, would you pray to be married to a man like Mr. Obikey?
If your answer to my last question is ‘no’ then make sure that the person you are dating or thinking of marrying is a responsible man or woman who is capable of taking responsibility and carrying out their own end of the bargain in a relationship. Don’t marry someone who never accepts responsibility for their mistakes but rather blames their partner for everything that’s gone wrong in their life.If you go ahead and do so, you will certainly have yourself to blame.

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Is he Really the man for you?

Some years back I had some major issues with my girlfriend and at my instance we agreed to see a counselor together.

As it turned out we saw the counselor separately in two private sessions and then finally together as a couple in a third session.

The counselor was of the opinion that we could work things out between us but she was convinced that this was only possible if we were both committed to making the relationship work.

Then she went on to ask us to carry out a simple but powerful mental exercise.  She asked us to close our eyes for a few minutes and picture ourselves on our wedding day standing before the officiating priest or pastor and before the congregation ready to say our vows.

She asked us to picture how we felt in that scenario. Her point was that if we felt happy, and relaxed or excited in our minds as we pictured that scene then it was a good sign for us to proceed toward marriage with that person.

On the other hand if we saw ourselves standing there and feeling uncertain, scared, panicky or insecure, then that was serving as a warning sign for us to completely discontinue the relationship or to pause for a moment.

Take some time now to close your eyes and imagine yourself getting married to your present date or partner. Do you feel happy and secure in that moment or do you feel scared like you're walking into a trap. Tell me; is he or she really the right one for you?

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Men and the insecurity question

In my first post I shared a personal experience with you on how I lost a woman who meant so much to me for no reason of hers. This was a woman that I loved and adored and yet I lost her; drove her right out of my life. 

We are often told to learn from our past mistakes so sometimes I think of the past to learn from it.

When I think of my past with Ella with the purpose of pointing out where I got it wrong, a gigantic monster stares me in the face; it is called insecurity.  

Insecurity is a plague that affects both men and women. However it would appear that it is most visible in men.

The reason for this is probably obvious; women are better at hiding their true feeling including their insecurities.

We all have insecurities and we need to put a check on them especially as men. The average woman doesn't like being spied on or placed under unnecessary suspicion (and neither do the men) and that's what insecurity makes of a man; a sick, hallucination paranoid, psycho.

If you're a lady or a man and you find that your insecurity is getting the better of you, I'd suggest you take charge of your self now and get a grip of your life and your relationship before you lose it.

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I miss you Ella

How could this be happening, the girl I loved with all my heart, the one I loved more than I have ever loved a woman was getting married to another man and I couldn’t see any way to stop it. Was she serious or was it a joke. I asked myself as I lowered the phone from my left ear.

Later that day, in the evening when I got home, I sat down to ponder on the information I had just received and my thoughts began to wonder off. They wondered to the beginning, to the time when it all started.

I remember that day vividly like it was yesterday, the day we first made contact. I didn’t know that something, a meeting that would change the rest of my life was in the offing that wonderful day as I walked out of the house. All I knew was that I felt unusually calm. I felt good about myself. There was this happy spring in my steps and I felt very confident. I just felt good to be alive that day.
I took the fifteen minute walk to one of the cyber café’s in the area and promptly secured a ticket for one hour’s worth of time on one of their computers.
I sat down at the computer nearest to me, logged in and started the yahoo messenger program installed on the system.
No sooner had I logged in than I noticed a contact I had added to my list of friends. I didn’t know this person and for all I knew he or she was  probably just added to my contact along side a lot of other unknown individuals who had one question or the other to ask me.

You see I registered this particular yahoo messenger account to chat with people who had read any of my various books and who had question they wanted to ask me about my books or their relationships so I didn’t exactly know the people who formed the contact or friends list as they were basically people who had read my books; some of them as far away as Ghana or South Africa.
Well I decided to start a conversation with this particular contact and soon discovered that she was a female. I asked if she had any question to ask me about relationships or my book and she said no. I asked if she had a boyfriend and she said no. “hmm… interesting”.

We started chatting and somehow we just seemed to get along. I was actually in a relationship at that time but that relationship was in reality as far from being satisfactory as the sun is far from the earth. The lady I was dating at that time didn’t really seem to understand me and neither did I. don’t get me wrong, she was a nice sweet person but when it came to communication it seemed like she spoke German which I didn’t understand while I spoke Greek which she also didn’t understand so in a way there was a lot of tension in the relationship.
Now I here I was chatting with this person I had never met and we just seemed to be speaking exactly the same language. We were on the same wavelength and every extra minute I spent chatting with her made me feel closer to her; I decided that I must know this person better.

I prodded her for her phone number and while she was reluctant at first, an additional hour of persuasion finally got her to hand over the digits.
Elated, we went on with our conversation a little longer and finally called it a day with a promise to call her later that day.
As I stepped out of the café feeling like I had won a million dollars. There was something I couldn’t explain about this girl I had just met and I couldn’t put a finger to what it was exactly but all I knew was that it made me feel good.
Come to think of it she didn’t have a profile picture online so it couldn’t have been her looks that caught my attention. It was something more profound; it must have been her personality.
I had no idea how this person looked like or what they would be like in person but I just felt like I had just met someone special.

Getting home, I waited a few minutes then called her. The minute I heard her voice over the phone line I felt like I just had to have this girl.
She sounded, sweet, feminine, gentle, caring and I guess above all, very friendly. We talked for close to an hour that day and when I ran out of money to buy additional airtime I finally gave up and said good night.
From that night on we spoke often on the phone and I had to persuade her to meet up with me in person for three weeks or thereabout before she finally agreed to meet with me. Nevertheless even while I waited to get an actual date with her we talked daily on he phone and each time we spoke I felt closer to her.

Finally it was “D” day and we were set meet. We arranged to meet at a fast food joint close to her house.
With the directions she gave me I found my way to Festac and got down at the bus-stop. I called her and in a few minutes she was at the bus-stop to meet me.
At first I was a little taken aback by her looks. She actually looked kind of older than I had expected yet she was beautiful, standing there straight and elegant like a queen; pleasing to the eyes, wonderful to behold. Within just about five minutes of talking to her, I was falling in love.
This girl was wonderful, she was special, she was a miracle. I couldn’t believe my luck. I had met the girl of my dreams and it happened when I wasn’t even searching.
We had a long talk where we exchanged information about each other and at the end of the day I was really very reluctant to leave because before me was the girl I had searched for all my life.

On my way home I remember saying a short silent prayer while I was in the bus, I remember the exact words because I had never said such a prayer concerning any girl before or after her. I said, “God thank you for giving me what I have been searching for all these years”.

The following months were blissful, the best months of my life ever. Regardless of however busy my schedule was or how busy Ella was, we always found time to see each other at least twice a week; sometimes more.
I had deep feeling for Ella and I believe she felt the same way about me too. I believe she did because she told me she did and was on my case to come meet her parents.
We could hardly beer to spend a waking moment away from each other. She was my air, the reason I smiled each morning when I woke up.
I loved Ella and she was the first thing, the first person I thought of each morning when I got out of bed. Ella made life worth living for me; gave a whole new meaning to my reality, my existence.
Then the devil struck, or was it my foolish ego or insecurity that struck. Whichever it was, a sudden madness took over me because of a little disagreement we had and I would not let it go; I would not forgive and forget.
I allowed foolish pride to get in the way of the love, the happiness I was so privileged to have. Then I lost her; I lost the love of my life.

Today Ella is married to another man and she has two kids for him. Today Ella is not my wife, she is another mans wife. So you may ask, why the hell am I writing an article about another mans wife? Shouldn’t I be searching for mine?
I have searched, and in my searching I have found that while a man must desire and search for a wife, a good wife, his soul mate can only be brought to him by God.
I write this piece about Ella because even though our destinies have parted, she left a deep and lasting impression on me. She showed me what it means for a woman to be a blessing to a man. What it means for a woman to be herself and to love being herself, to be gracious.
I wrote this piece because Ella gave me a chance to truly love and for that I will forever be grateful to her.

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